Oct 10
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1Plan a date. Find out what your crush likes. This can be done by talking to them directly or by asking their closest friends. Pay attention to your conversations with them; presumably, your crush will talk a lot about themselves, and all of that is great material to keep in mind when deciding date spots, gifts, etc.
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2Determine the right time to ask. Typically, you should have exchanged a few conversations with your crush before you decide to ask them on a date. Not only does it increase the chance that they will say yes, but it also means that you already know your personalities are compatible and are likely to have a good time.
- People who ask strangers on dates are basing their decision purely on physical attraction. This is riskier, but not always a bad idea.
- People who ask strangers on dates are basing their decision purely on physical attraction. This is riskier, but not always a bad idea.
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3With a date idea in mind, ask them out. Always make specific plans to meet at a certain location during a specific time, or you'll just have to ask them again later. There are a few ways to do this, depending on your relationship with your crush:
- Start by just asking to hang out. Unless you are certain that they are romantically interested in you, resist the temptation to instantly flag your invitation as a date. If they have never considered something romantically with you or if they are naturally a timid person, your forward request might catch them off-guard and scare them off. Instead, if you ask them to hang out (which may or may not be a just-friends thing), you can ease them into the transition of a relationship. Moreover, if the hanging out alone goes well, your crush will also see that it's great to spend time with you alone. That will likely cause them to develop feelings for you as well, or at least be more receptive to being more than friends.
- If you and your crush have been hanging out for awhile but things are still in the friend zone, then you want to make things explicit. You can either pose the question directly as an invitation, or bring up the subject of a relationship at one of your hangouts.
- Start by just asking to hang out. Unless you are certain that they are romantically interested in you, resist the temptation to instantly flag your invitation as a date. If they have never considered something romantically with you or if they are naturally a timid person, your forward request might catch them off-guard and scare them off. Instead, if you ask them to hang out (which may or may not be a just-friends thing), you can ease them into the transition of a relationship. Moreover, if the hanging out alone goes well, your crush will also see that it's great to spend time with you alone. That will likely cause them to develop feelings for you as well, or at least be more receptive to being more than friends.
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4If they say yes, congratulations! Know that this means they are at least interested in getting to know you more intimately, which may eventually lead to a relationship. Continue to make any necessary preparations for your special date.
- If you only asked them to hang out, keep in mind that a "yes" does not necessarily mean they are romantically interested in you. You'll want to see how the first hangout goes, and then proceed to ask them to hang out more later. (Hopefully they will also reciprocate by initiating hangouts, but don't expect this.) Sometimes, this naturally eases into a relationship, but if not, you'll have to just ask them out explicitly after awhile.
- If you only asked them to hang out, keep in mind that a "yes" does not necessarily mean they are romantically interested in you. You'll want to see how the first hangout goes, and then proceed to ask them to hang out more later. (Hopefully they will also reciprocate by initiating hangouts, but don't expect this.) Sometimes, this naturally eases into a relationship, but if not, you'll have to just ask them out explicitly after awhile.
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5If they say no, don't worry about it. You are a great person who deserves dates, but sometimes the circumstances don't work out for reasons beyond your control. Try not to feel dejected, and respond to the rejection with dignity and respect.
- If you only asked them to hang out, consider whether their excuse was genuine (in which case you can consider asking them to hang out again in a week or so) or not (in which case they are probably not interested in you). Regardless, because your request was not an explicit invitation to potential romance, you don't need to explain yourself or even talk about that subject. Just accept their "no" as you would any friend who couldn't make it to something you had invited them to.
- If you actually asked them on a date or made your feelings clear, then tell them you understand your request may have caught them off-guard. Next, be honest about your feelings. If any of the following apply, then say it:
- "I'll be here if you reconsider and want to talk about us going out again."
- "I understand your feelings, but I still need some closure. I think I'll need my space for some time and that we should have minimal contact temporarily."
- "I would love to still be friends with you."
- "I don't think you've been treating me fairly if you really have no desire to be more than friends. I think we should take a break and re-evaluate the boundaries in our friendship."
- "I'll be here if you reconsider and want to talk about us going out again."
- If you only asked them to hang out, consider whether their excuse was genuine (in which case you can consider asking them to hang out again in a week or so) or not (in which case they are probably not interested in you). Regardless, because your request was not an explicit invitation to potential romance, you don't need to explain yourself or even talk about that subject. Just accept their "no" as you would any friend who couldn't make it to something you had invited them to.
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