Sep 29

How to Deal With a Friend’s Miscarriage

Phychology of a teenager. Add comments
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    Understand that you will initially be in shock. The first reaction you have won't be your final one. You might not know what to say at all. That's ok. It will take your mind some time to process.'
     
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    Your friend is going to be in a lot of pain – but this is difficult for you too. It may seem that the burden you carry pales in comparison to that of your friends, but, it is there. It's not easy when someone you care for deeply is going through severe suffering. Acknowledge your own emotions.
     
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    Don't avoid your friend – try to be there for them. It's hard, but avoiding them will only make them more upset.
     
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    Try to help your friend with the emotional pain. You can't wave a magic wand and make the pain go away, but you can be there for your friend, and tell them that you wish that you could take the pain away.
     
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    Understand that your friend would be experiencing a lot of other emotions. It's not just sadness. She might not feel like a woman, she might feel that she failed her partner, she might be afraid for her future prospects of being a parent. It's more than just grief for the child. Self resentment, fear, anger, self blame and a whole lot of other emotions are mixed in to the grief.
     
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    DON'T say things like "you can have another child" or "maybe it was sick or something" or "maybe it's better to adopt". Your friend isn't looking for tips or advice. They just want the pain to go away. They want the hurt, and fears, and resentment and anger gone. And you can't take that away. Another child, or anything else, wouldn't take the pain that they are feeling away. All that you can do is say you care and that you wish you could help them get through this.
     
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    Expect the emotional pain to take time to get beyond. Your friend could still be upset in two years time. It could be a long process. Don't push things, don't label them as depressed or anything. It's grief, and grief takes time to work through.
     
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    If it's your partner that has miscarried, be wary about your own emotions. Men often don't express themselves well, but right now things are as hard for you as they are for her. It's a difficult time in the relationship, and the way you communicate now is important. Acknowledge your own struggles and do your best to reassure your partner. Amongst all the grief and pain, she probably also feels like she let you down.
     
     



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